


Ashes

by Flamingbluepanda



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23771710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamingbluepanda/pseuds/Flamingbluepanda
Summary: Ash or Ashes are the solid remains of fires. Specifically, it refers to all non-aqueous, non-gaseous residues that remain after something is burned
Relationships: Mick Rory/Leonard Snart
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. Prologue: Glacier

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted this for a while, but the coldwave discord server really encouraged me, so blame them. This first chapter is a little choppy, but the rest of them will be better. Im procrastinating my english paper so this is happening right tf now
> 
> Also, I promise, beast inside is gonna be finished. I swear. I'm just a Mess(TM).
> 
> Dedicated to Dominic Purcell, for being so goddamn awesome.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glaciers are a slowly moving mass or river of ice

Mick was plenty fine with Len flirting, but it was odd for  _ him  _ to be attracted to Len’s newest interest as well. 

Mick often thought of new people as shiny baubles, things to steal and keep or burn. 

As he watched Sara Lance throw a guy twice her size across a room, Mick decided she was going to be a keeper. Maybe Len would be into a threesome. 

Mick didn’t know about the others. He didn’t trust British people, the professor was obnoxious, and haircut was far too delicate and righteous. He especially hated how everyone expected him to be a hero.

He was a hero to two people on the planet. He’d raised one and married the other. He didn’t want to be a hero to  _ anyone  _ else.

* * *

  
  


Their new room was  _ small.  _

Mick noticed it immediately and grumbled about it less than a second later. Len of course just rolled his eyes and splayed out on the bed, chucking his duffle bag in the corner. 

Mick leaned against the wall, counting the seconds. He barely made it to six before Len said: “This bed is hard as a fucking  _ rock.” _

“Metal bunk,” Mick said sagely, and Len opened his eyes to stick out his tongue at him. Mick sighed, not relaxing an inch. “Remind me again why we’re not staying in central? With our very nice mattress? And Lisa? And the rogues? And-“

“Because  _ this,”  _ Len sat up enough to gesture at the ship around them “is gonna be great,  _ Michael.” _

Mick snorted and finally came over to sit on the edge of the bunk. “Alright, scoot.” 

Len squirmed as tight as he could against the wall, and Mick laid down, then dragged Len on top of him. They both had their bad spots, but Len’s back needed cushioning while Mick’s needed something firm against his injuries. Len using Mick as a cushion wasn’t unusual, but the moment Len's weight settled on him pain sparked in his lower back, and Mick grunted “yeah, this has to go, I can’t sleep here.” 

“If I say your right about this ship being crap will you let me live it down?”

“If you steal us a better mattress I will.” 

Len chuckled and yeah, maybe this whole hero thing would be okay

* * *

Of  _ course,  _ everything Rip said was a lie. Mick knew you could never trust British people. 

They’d had their group vote and agreed to stay, and now they got to play with Terrorists- which, Mick would like to note, was not their usual gig. They dealt with the families, and with fellow crews and criminals and gangs. What these stick-up-their-ass legends didn’t realize was that criminals had classes, just like any other group of people. Terrorists were second to worst, only above pedophiles and other sexual predators for how evil they were. Mick and Len were criminals but they weren’t  _ assholes.  _ They hated Terrorists just as much as any  _ hero.  _

And more than that, no one on the planet in  _ any  _ era needed a fucking  _ nuke.  _

Mick knew explosions, and he knew bombs. Nukes in any size were overkill for the sheer damage they could do. 

Which was why, when everything went to shit, Mick automatically went for the bomb. 

Of course, Ray got their first, and triggered it. And then Stein and the kid had to contain a nuclear explosion.

Has Mick mentioned he hates academics? 

Afterward, they find out they have to reclaim haircut’s stupid tech. Mick is glad he finally gets to steal something, but it doesn’t actually go well, and Mick is looking for a fuse box when a hand clamps down on his neck hard enough that he hears his bones crunch in his ears. 

“I guess you're with those two…  _ gentlemen  _ in my parlor.” Said  _ Vandal fucking Savage,  _ who Mick was just hired to  _ kill.  _

He was frog-marched back into the trophy room or whatever it was called, to see Lenny and Ray in their cage. 

Len looked terrified, and then furious. Mick tried to swing his arms around but pain shot down his back, and he couldn’t see it but he knew Savage was sneering. “Don’t try it. I’ve had thousands of years to study the human body. I know pressure points that don’t  _ exist  _ yet. I could kill you easily.”

“I’ll kill you first,” Len snarled, and then Savage chuckled, and Mick was knocked out. 

* * *

“I don’t like this job,” Len said, rubbing his knuckles along Mick’s back.

They were laying in bed together, with Len treating the bruises on the back of Mick’s neck. 

“You’re the one who wanted to come,” Mick muttered, eyes closed. 

"That’s before the mission had a body count.” 

“It’s space, we might as well be redshirts.” 

“I look awful in-“ Leonard’s fingers pressed against a knot, and Mick grunted. “... red,” Len said softly as he rubbed at the spot. 

“Well, I look great in it,” Mick said, and Len growled, digging his fingers in. “Don’t. Even. Think it.” 

Mick twisted, ignoring his neck’s protesting. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.” 

“You’d better not,” Len said, kissing Mick once, twice… and then he paused for a few seconds and kissed the tip of his nose, making Mick snort and Len grin. 

* * *

After they got back from central, Len sequestered himself in the big study, and Mick followed him,  _ trembling  _ with anger. 

While Gideon examined Lewis Snart’s new timeline, Mick sat against the wall with his back straight and jaw clenched. Len wasn’t looking at him, and Mick could tell from the way he was acting that he was scared beyond belief of what he would find. Mick wasn’t sure which result would be better. 

“What about Lisa?” Mick asked, almost in a growl. “You managed not to immediately erase yourself but what about her? You even  _ think _ about that?!”

“I mentioned her,” Len said without turning his head. “I made sure of it. She’ll be born, named Lisa, even get those skates for her 6th birthday-“ 

Mick shot to his feet  _ “I bought her those skates!  _ M e! I did that! Not your piece of shit dad who couldn’t be arsed to raise his kids-“

“I fixed that!” Len snapped, whirling around. “You’re telling me that if you couldn’t go back and stop your dad from going to ‘Nam you wouldn’t do it?!” 

Mick got in his husband’s face, shaking with anger. “You know  _ perfectly _ well that my pa was messed up before the fuckin’ war, and fuck you for bringing him into this!”

“Lisa,” Len growled, “can take care of  _ herself.”  _

“And what about me?!” Mick snapped. “What am I supposed to do without you two?! What the fuck would I be?!” 

Len fell quiet, and Mick sighed, shaking his head. “I’d be nothing,  _ nothing  _ without you, you idiot. I’d be murdering people left and right and probably have burned myself to death by now. What the  _ fuck  _ would I do if you erased myself from the timeline?” 

Len grabbed his collar and kissed him, hard. 

Lewis’ timeline remained unchanged. In Mick’s heart of hearts, he was glad. 

  
  


* * *

A Russian Gulag was one of the few types of prison Mick hadn’t experienced. Also on the list were  _ labor camp  _ and  _ minimum security.  _

Russian Gulags were quickly moving to the bottom of the list of favorites. They liked electricity a little too much for his liking here. He much preferred Iron Heights with its shitty guards and his reputation within it and all the basic human rights and stuff. 

Also, Prison wasn’t half as fun without Lenny. Never had been since that first fateful juvie stint. 

Mick had decided that at yard time tomorrow he’d do something to  _ publicly  _ claim Ray as his, even if he had to kiss him to do it. The Boy Scout got tortured for mick, the least he could do was make sure no one messed with him.  He’s going crazy in here. He thought he saw Lenny earlier. But he has his lighter now, so things aren’t so bad.

Of course, Lenny saves him. He never leaves a member of his crew behind, especially not Mick. They spend the night being tender- Mick almost wishes this mission could get a little bit more boring, part of him is craving a good night with the handcuffs and clamps. He expresses this to his darling husband and Len laughs, and promises they’ll steal the jump ship and take a night off at a kink club somewhere. 

* * *

They go to Star City in the future. 

Mick never gets his kinky night off. 

* * *

Rip Hunter thinks he has the IQ of meat. The reason he hasn’t felt welcome on this crew the way Len has is because he  _ isn’t _ welcome and dammit, Mick wants to go  _ home.  _

He has for a while if he’s being honest. He hasn’t gotten to burn things, he’s barely gotten to steal anything, everyone yells at him all the time and Len is… 

Look, Mick isn’t the clingy husband who needs Len’s attention at all times. They have their periods of separation, the occasional knockout beat down fistfight- they’re dynamic is probably stupidly unhealthy, they’re both self-aware enough to realize that. 

But there’s a reason they always fall back together. They know each other like no one else. Mick knows about Len’s aching fingers and how he needs a stress ball to do his PT with, Len knows how to treat Mick’s burns and about his trick shoulder. They both have bad backs and multiple concussions and _severe_ mental health issues. Mick knows when Len is entering into a Manic ADHD phase or hyperfixating, and Len _knows,_ most of the time before Mick does, when he needs a bonfire to satisfy his pyromania, or when he’s about to have an autism shutdown. 

And now? Now Mick feels all kinds of triggered. He wants his therapist and a med refill and Len keeps saying  _ a few more weeks, we’ll go home soon, Gideon can refill your meds  _

So Rip says he has the IQ of meat, and suddenly, Mick can’t fucking  _ breathe. _

Fine. Len won’t take him home, Mick will take  _ himself  _ home, even if he has to commandeer a time ship to do it.

* * *

Instead of 2016, which would’ve been  _ fine  _ because Mick would’ve had Lisa and the Rogues and his therapist and his safehouses and other safety nets, Mick is left in a forest, in an undisclosed location, all alone, with no one around.

Seriously,  _ what the fuck. _

Mick isn’t a survivalist. He can start a fire and hunt but he doesn’t know about building a shelter, or finding clean water or what berries are safe to eat. 

He’s been stranded for two weeks, terrified of leaving the clearing and starving to death because he misses his ride home. He doesn’t understand why Len did this, why the fuck he couldn’t have just  _ taken Mick home.  _

Why he couldn’t have just shot Mick instead of leaving him here to die slowly. 

Mick is depressed and terrified and as time creeps into his third week alone, with food becoming more and more scarce, Mick decides that if he’s going to die anyway he might as well do it himself. 

He’s just doing the final preparations when they find him.

* * *

Mick is dead, and Chronos is all that’s left. Chronos is not in love with Leonard Snart. Chronos hates Leonard Snart and the rest of the waverider crew, which is why he can’t understand why they’ve locked him in the brig and why they keep visiting him.

Leonard Snart enters after days of not seeing him, and something twists in Chronos’ chest at the sight of the hand that Gideon grew back. The same thing that had fought in horror when he’d planned on killing Lisa Snart, the same thing that had provided the vengeance. 

Leonard offers a fight. 

Chronos smirks and accepts. 

But here’s the problem; with each punch that lands, the  _ thing  _ in his chest grows stronger, more violent, angrier. Chronos thinks it’s the satisfaction of his vengeance but it’s not, it’s not it’s- 

Mick breathes, collapsing back against the wall. Lenny is splayed out on the floor and everything  _ aches. _

“Come  _ on  _ Mick,” Len groans. “We agreed. You kill me, you walk. Don’t you wanna kill me?”

“I don’t know what I want,” Chronos- Mick hears himself say, shaking his head. His brains all twisted up and he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to make the storm stop.

A little bottle of pills rattles next to his ear. His antipsychotic.

“You’re probably overdue for a dose,” Len said softly, and Mick- he was Mick, he was most certainly Mick- felt something inside him crack. 

“Thanks,” he muttered, taking the bottle and swallowing the pill dry. “... this is usually the part where we kiss and makeup.”

“You threatened  _ Lisa,”  _ Len said, and Mick swallowed, shaking a little. “Yeah. I did. Can’t take it back, you’re just gonna have to believe I didn’t mean it.”

Len snorts. “I knew you didn’t mean it as soon as you  _ said it.  _ You love that kid more than me.” 

“Lisa doesn’t beat me up on a regular basis.”

“Lisa doesn’t try to kill me.”

“Lisa doesn’t drag me on time-traveling adventures.”

“Lisa doesn’t  _ choose to go  _ on time-traveling adventures and then regret it.”

“Lisa doesn’t leave me to  _ die.”  _

Len sits next to him, pressed up against his side. 

“I was coming back,” Len said, shaking his head “I swear. I meant to be back the night after I left. I was just- I was scared. You were going dark, way more than usual. I didn’t want to leave you in 2016 alone when you were having  _ new  _ mental health issues, but Rip said you couldn’t stay and I just…”

“Can’t leave yet,” Mick grunted, “can’t leave a job undone. I know you.”

Mick finally turned to look at Len, two black eyes and as pitiful as a kicked puppy. His eyes were every inch that brat Mick had saved in juvie.

“Yeah well, I also know when to bail out, and brainwashing is so far past the line that I don't even have a _joke_ for that. you want to go home, we go. We can go right now, no questions.” Len offers. “And we’ll go on a fourth honeymoon, go absolutely nuts. I’ll make this up to you, I will.” 

Mick wanted to, oh god he  _ wanted  _ to. He wanted sun and a warm bed and to put  _ Chronos  _ behind him forever.

But he couldn’t. Because he knew what was coming.

Mick sighed. “No can do. You might’ve broken me out of my head, Lenny, but you’ve unleashed the monsters guarding it.” 

* * *

Being able to understand what Rip is talking about, at least tangentially,  _ was  _ kinda nice. He wasn’t sure it was worth it for all the brainwashing and torture, but every time Mick knew what a fragmentation was or laughed at the idea of time being the law, Rip got this look on his face that was  _ almost  _ priceless. 

He learned about Calvert during this induction, and he can’t blame Jonah Hex for being pissed. Mick couldn’t relate to wanting to be a hero, but the old west is fun enough,  _ especially  _ when he gets to beat up his old hunter buddies.

Of course, then they tell him Pilgrim’s coming, and Mick would’ve given anything to never see that crazy bitch again. 

They’re en route to his farm, and Mick was hiding in the little hoard room they’d claimed. It was the first time he’d been back there since the time pirates, and he isn’t surprised when Lenny finds him. 

“Why would the Pilgrim go to the night of the fire?” Len asked, and Mick shook his head, shrugging. “I was pretty vulnerable that night. Caught up in it. Wouldn’t know if someone was shooting me ‘till I was dead.” 

“Yeah, I remember.” Len shook his head, sighing. Of course, Len had been the first one to see him after that incident. Mick had been a mess. 

Len wrapped his arms around Mick’s shoulders, standing behind him and resting his chin on Mick’s head. “You gonna be okay?”

Mick grunted but didn’t really answer. Len understood anyway.

* * *

“I forgot how cute you were with hair.” 

They’d just dropped baby Rip back off at the refuge, Lisa was amnesia’d and safe at home, and Mick was in their room, feeling off. He looked up at Len when he talked, and Len offered him a beer. 

Mick took it and sipped, shaking his head. “I was a little asshole. Why’d you follow me around?” 

“Again, you were cute when you had hair.” 

Mick snorted and Len sat next to him. “You aren’t gonna call me cute too?”

“Hell no. You were an ugly ass baby, I see why we don’t have any pictures.”

Len punched him in the arm, and Mick laughed- an actual, deep belly laugh. It felt good. Then the laugh turned bitter.

“God,” Mick shook his head, “God, I  _ really  _ fucking hope little me doesn’t burn down the refuge.” 

“You weren’t a monster,” Len argued, “you’d never hurt a bunch of orphans, even at your worst.” 

Mick disagreed, but it was nice to hear. 

“You really think I was cute?” Mick asked, almost teasing. He’d been a confident kid, he didn’t need anyone stroking his ego. Len smirked, leaning forward to kiss him. “Oh  _ yeah,  _ definitely. I miss your hair.” 

Mick kissed him, just to shut him up.

* * *

They’d finally tried to go home, only to discover that the professor had stolen their ride. Now they were back at the Vanishing Point, and Mick couldn’t stop  _ shaking.  _

Looking out the window and seeing it was… horrible, absolutely horrible. Thankfully no one was making him leave the ship. Lenny was doing his best to keep him distracted and away from the windows, mostly with blowjobs but currently with a card game. 

A card game in which Sara was kicking their asses. Lenny was laughing and maybe, just maybe Mick would get out of this and things would be okay-

And then there was the  _ thud thud thud  _ of time master boots, and Mick felt  _ sick. _

“We have to hide,” Len said, hearing it, and Sara snorted. “Don’t bail out because you’re losing-”

_ Thud thud thud. _

Mick shot to his feet. “You two, hide,  _ now.” _

“Not without you,” Len said immediately, and Mick shook his head. “They’re gonna be looking for me. They won’t stop, I can hold them off.”

_ “Alexa,  _ Mick. Don’t you fucking dare-”

Mick turned and kissed him hard. Sara gasped a little and oh yeah, they hadn’t actually told anyone about them. 

Mick pulled away. “I’ll be  _ fine,  _ now  _ go.” _

Len swallowed, then kissed him again. “You’d better be.”

* * *

The feeling of Druce’s skull being crushed under his boot was happily burned into his memory, and Mick was incredibly pleased with it. Sure induction hadn’t been fun, but he’d done it, he’d survived, and now they were gonna destroy the occulus and everything was going to go  _ fine. _

He adjusted his fireproof jacket on his shoulders, enjoying the weight of it and the feeling of his heat gun on his hip. Oh yeah, he  _ much  _ preferred Heatwave to Kronos. 

“How’d you do it?”

Mick turned to see Len leaning against the wall, goggles laying around the collar of his turtleneck and parka all zipped up. Mick couldn’t help but grin. Len was always the pretty one.

"How'd you keep sane, this time around?" Len gestured to his head, making it clear what he was talking about

He went over and wrapped his arms around Len’s waist. “You. focused on love instead of vengeance. Worked wonders.”

Len rolled his eyes, and Mick chuckled. Then he realized it had been a while since he said it and he kissed Leonard on the forehead.

“I do, y’know. Love you and shit.”

_ “And shit,”  _ Len said, shaking his head, “you’re awful.”

“I know.”

Len didn’t say it back. Mick didn’t care, they had all the time in the world.

* * *

“I need to stay to keep the failsafe from activating and blow up the occulus!”

_ Fuck. _

“Not that much English,” Mick said, shaking his head as he covered Ray’s back. Ray, who was smart and good and actually benefitted the team. Ray who had a maybe sort of chance with Kendra and his whole life ahead of him. Ray with his multiple PhDs who was being guarded by Mick. Useless, IQ of meat, fights with his husband and threatens his sister in law whos pretty much his kid, messed up pyromaniac Mick. 

Let it never be said Mick couldn’t make a plan. 

He punched Ray in the face and slid his arm in there in three seconds, making Rip stare at him.

“What are you doing?!” Rip shouted, and Mick just pointed his chin at Ray. “Shrink ‘im and get out of here!”

Rip blinked, and then his eyes went soft in a way they never had for Mick. “Mister Rory…”

“You didn’t want me here, you’re gettin’ your wish. I want my revenge on these fucks, now  _ go!”  _ Mick snapped, and Rip nodded, shrinking Ray’s suit and tucking him in his pocket. Mick just wished…

“Oi,  _ English!”  _ Mick growled, and Rip looked him in the eye,  _ finally  _ considering him an equal.

Mick swallowed. “Tell Snart… tell him I’m sorry. For all of it”

Rip nodded sadly, and ran away.

Mick shook himself, refusing to get emotional. Len would be fine, Len could survive without him. He’d have Lisa, and Barry, and the whole team of heroes. Mick would have none of that. It was better this way.

_ “Mick!” _

Speak of the devil. 

Mick glared at him. “Get outta here!”

Len stomped up the ramp behind him, snarling “Not without you! What the hell are you doing?!”

“Haircut said I needed to hold the stick to blow it up, so I’m holding the stick to blow it up! Now  _ go!” _

Len sighed, and his voice got soft. “My old friend… please forgive me…” 

But Mick was wise to Leonard’s ways. Leonard only talked like that when he was tricking someone. And he only called Mick old friend when he was about to piss Mick off. 

Mick saw the blow coming, and he grabbed Len’s arm before it could land. He let go of the stick for just a moment so that he could knock Len out cold. 

Mick swallowed the lump in his throat, pulling off his coat and the chain around his neck that held his wedding band. He stuffed it in the pocket, then draped the coat on his husband, along with the heat gun. Then he grabbed the failsafe again, and looked back at Sara. “Get him out of here!”

Sara nodded, looking sad. 

Mick nodded at her. “Take care of him, alright? Promise.”

“I promise.”

And then, she was gone, and Mick was alone with the time masters and his hand on a bomb and for the first time in a while, everything went quiet in his head.

“No,  _ don’t!”  _ Someone screamed, and Mick threw his head back and  _ laughed  _ as the world around him exploded.


	2. 1,948

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The melting point of solid gold is one thousand, nine hundred and forty-eight degrees Fahrenheit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back and ready to give you your Prescribed Dose of Lisa Snart 
> 
> I love her. Dedicated to her.

Leonard Snart woke up in the med bay with a throbbing head and decided he was going to commit some matricide. Mick was going to die for scaring him like that, just as soon as Len kissed him. 

Where  _ was  _ Mick anyway? Len sat up, wincing when it made his eyes throb. The lights were dim, and he was alone. Draped over him was Mick’s fire coat, heavy and insulated. Len frowned. Where was Mick?

“Gideon!” Len barked, “What happened? Did we blow up the time bastards?”

_ “Yes, Mister Snart. The Vanishing Point has been completely destroyed.” _

“Good!” Len climbed out of bed and shook out Mick’s coat. Odd, there was a chain hanging out of one of the pockets. “Tell Mick to get his ass in here, I’m gonna have words with him.” 

_ “Mister Snart, I recommend you sit back down-” _

Len pulled the chain out. It was  _ Mick’s  _ chain. Thick and silver, with a bronze wedding band hanging on it. 

The coat fell to the ground with a thud, and Len stared at the ring hanging from his fist, swinging back and forth. Len had made that ring. He’d stolen the material, crafted it himself because Mick was a farm boy at heart, he had a soft spot for handmade things. It was too small, and Mick had laughed and said he never wore rings anyway, so he would wear it on a chain, and he hadn’t taken it off since.

“Gideon, where’s Mick?” He asked, desperately trying to come up with reasons why Mick would leave his ring and coat that didn’t involve…

_ “I’m… so sorry, Mister Snart. Mister Rory is-” _

The roar in Leonard’s ears blocked her out, and only belatedly did he realize he was screaming. He also didn’t realize he was being sedated until he was already on the ground.

* * *

He woke up again without the weight of Mick’s coat on him, and for a few blissful seconds, he convinced himself it was all a nightmare, a horrible horrible nightmare and that Mick was  _ fine. _

But then he saw the coat hanging in a corner, and felt the ring in his hand. He threw himself out of the bed, screaming at Gideon to tell him where Mick was. He hit the ground just as the next round of sedatives kicked in. 

* * *

This time, the ring was back in the coat pocket, and Leonard didn’t even get a few seconds of peace before reality hit him. 

Tears boiled in his eyes, along with  _ fury.  _

“Gideon?” Leonard asked as calmly as he could. Gideon hesitated. _ “Mister Snart, it is unsafe for me to sedate you for the third time…” _

“Where’s  _ Rip?”  _ Leonard growled, and Gideon answered immediately  _ “Captain Hunter is in the bridge study, along with the rest of the crew.” _

Leonard jumped to his feet and charged to the bridge, running through the doors and stopping short when everyone turned to stare at him. They were all there, Ray and Sara and Jax and Stein and- 

_ “You!”  _ Leonard snarled, charging forward to punch Rip in the face before pinning him to the wall and strangling him. Rip struggled, but Leonard was stronger than him, eyes wild like a madman’s.

“You left him there! You  _ left him there! You killed him!” _

Hands grabbed at his shoulders as Jax and Ray pulled him off of Rip, even as Leonard tried to get back across the room. “You left him! You didn’t even  _ try  _ to stop him! You’re a  _ murderer!” _

Stein helped Rip to his feet, and Rip wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “Mister Snart. Believe me, I am endlessly guilty about the loss of your friend-”

“Not friend,” Sara said quietly, shaking her head. “I saw them. Snart and Rory were dating-”

_ “Married,”  _ Leonard spat, pulling his arms out of Jax and Ray’s shocked grips. “I went all the way to fucking  _ Sweden  _ for the right to marry him, you’ll call him my _ husband.”  _

His voice cracked, and Leonard ducked his head, trying his damnedest to keep it together. He wouldn’t waste tears over Mick, not when he was going to get him back. He marched over towards Rip, regretting the fact that he hadn’t grabbed his gun. 

“Now you are gonna turn this fucking  _ boat  _ around and I am going to go back there and  _ save him,  _ and you cannot  _ fucking  _ stop me.” He growled. Rip shook his head. “Mister Snart- Leonard, there’s nothing to be done.”

“Take me back!” Leonard snapped, shoving him against the wall again. Sara moved to separate them, but Rip waved her off. “Take me back to right before the vanishing point blows and-”

“Without the occulus, there’s no way to have that kind of precision.” Rip’s gaze was full of pity, and it made Leonard’s blood boil. “We can’t-”

“You recruited us to change history!” Leonard jabbed his finger into Rip’s chest. “You recruited us to save your family, now help me _ save mine!” _

“I wasn’t  _ there  _ to watch Miranda and Jonas die, we were too close when the bomb went off! What you’re asking is the equivalent of picking a flower from ground zero at hiroshima the moment the bomb went hit. I’m very sorry, but it can’t be done!”

Leonard punched him in the face again, and this time Sara grabbed him around the waist. “Don’t you say your sorry! You never cared about him!  _ Murderer!”  _

Leonard clawed at Sara’s arms, trying to get her to let go so he could kill Rip. “You never did! None of you ever did! Take me back, let me save him!  _ I need him! Take me back!” _

He heard someone call for a sedative, and Leonard fought harder against Sara and now Jax, who was muttering that he was  _ so sorry, man, so sorry- _

Leonard choked on his air, because they weren’t taking him back, the longer they didn’t take him back the longer Mick was-

_ “No!”  _ Leonard shrieked. “I can’t abandon him again! Take me back! Take me back right now! Take me back take me back  _ take me back-” _

There was a sharp pain in his arm as he was sedated, and he collapsed against Sara, sobbing.  _ “Take me back,  _ take me back, take me back-”

Someone carried him to his room, and Gideon’s stupid fucking automatic laundering meant the bed didn’t smell like anything except detergent. 

_ “Mick,”  _ Leonard sobbed as the darkness approached, “come  _ back.” _

He fell asleep, and his last conscious thought was that he hoped to stay that way.

* * *

He woke up again as the ship was landing. Mick’s coat was draped over him again and between the warmth and the weight and the smell, if Leonard closed his eyes he could almost imagine Mick was next to him, arm draped heavy across Len’s waist. 

_ “Mister Snart?” _

Leonard sighed shakily and opened his eyes. His face was flushed and his throat was raw. “What do you  _ want,  _ Gideon?” 

_ “We have landed in central city. I’m afraid you must vacate the Waverider now. Please take your belongings with you.” _

Leonard climbed to his feet and pulled Mick’s coat on. It was too large, with the sleeves hanging down over his hands. He was immediately overheated, but it smelled like ash and gasoline and  _ Mick  _ and Leonard wasn’t going to take it off. 

He checked the pocket, making sure Mick’s wedding ring was there. He went over to the night stand and grabbed his own. He’d taken it off after they’d marooned Mick, too guilty to keep looking at it on his finger. He sniffled, biting his lip to keep from crying again. He slid it back on the proper finger and hated himself for ever taking it off

He grabbed the heat and cold guns, and draped his parka over his arm. He left everything else behind. 

The rest of the team was gathered outside the _Waverider_ , and as soon as Leonard stepped off it cloaked itself. The team gave him varying looks of pity as he joined the group. 

“Why are we here, Rip?” Sara asked. “Where’s Savage?” 

“Yes, well… that’s the problem.” Rip shook his head. “Without the occulus, we no longer have access to timeline maps. Savage is in the wind, and we have no way to find him.” 

Ray frowned. “So then what are we doing here? We should be looking for him.” 

“... I started this mission to save the person I love,” Rip glanced in Leonard’s direction. “And now, without even realizing it, I’ve cost someone else theirs.” 

Leonard looked away, clenching his hand around the ring in his pocket.

“I cannot continue to be responsible for death,” Rip said. “And so, I’ve brought you back here. Central City, 2016. Slight complication though, we landed six months after you left.”

“So for the last six months, my mom just thought I was dead.” Jax shook his head “fantastic. Fucking  _ thanks  _ man.” 

“Forget that for a second,” Ray said, stepping forward. “He has Carter. He has  _ Kendra.  _ We have to save them!” 

“And I will, in due time.” Rip said, eyes sad “but I won’t be responsible for any more lives. I am truly sorry for the havoc I have caused for all of you.”

“And what’s time stop us from keeping you here until you let us back on the _Waverider?”_ Stein asked, and Rip shrugged. “That might be difficult-“ 

He flickered, and Leonard’s eyes widened as he stuck a hand through the hologram of Rip.

“Because I’m not really here.” 

Rip flickered out of existence, and the _Waverider_ flew away, leaving them in its dust. 

“No!” Ray yelled, charging forward as if he could catch it. Stein and Jax looked miserable, and Sara growled, muttering about how she was gonna kill Rip. 

Leonard watched them for a second, then shook his head and walked away. 

“Snart!” Sara called, and Len looked over his shoulder to find the whole team staring at him. Ray looked like a frightened puppy “where are you going? We have to figure out what we’re doing next!”

“I know what I’m doing next; going home.” 

“But what about Savage?! What about Rip?!” 

“What about them? They’re gone, mission over. We all go home and try to forget this ever happened.”

“He’s right,” Jax said, shaking his head and walking away. “I gotta go home man, my mom’s gonna  _ kill _ me.”

“Me too,” Martin sighed, “Clarissa will be frantic that she hasn’t heard from me.” 

“We can’t just give up!” Ray shouted “Kendra-”

“Can take care of herself!” Leonard snapped, patience wearing thin. “Now  _ can it,  _ boy scout. In the months we’ve been on that stupid ship I’ve done  _ nothing  _ but play hero and cause the person I love pain, and I don’t have anything to show for it except a gaping  _ hole  _ where my heart should be!”

Ray flinched as if Leonard had just punched him in the face. Sara took a step forward “Snart-”

“No,” Leonard shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose to keep the tears at bay. “No, screw  _ all  _ you stupid hero types. I have to go tell my sister that the guy who helped me raise her is dead. Don’t fucking follow me.”

And with that, he stormed away

* * *

Despite his claims that he was going to track down Lisa, Leonard didn’t. Instead, he went to the safehouse on Justine- it was the closest one, and it had that crappy leather sofa that had so many food stains that the leather was sticky and soundproof walls. 

Leonard stumbled in and kicked the door shut behind him, collapsing against it with a sob, sinking to the ground. He tugged the cold gun off his belt and flung it across the room, clutching the heat gun to his chest.

It was always warm, the heat gun. Even when it hadn’t been used the barrel stayed warm, growing hot enough to cause burns when in use. Right now, it was comforting. A warmth against the  _ ache  _ in Leonard’s chest. 

Where before he’d been numb, he now felt so many things at once- anger, grief, unending sadness- it was like a whirlwind, a hurricane of knives and broken glass digging in to the muscles of his heart and ripping it to shreds. It hurt, it  _ physically hurt-  _

Oh god, Mick was  _ dead. _

Leonard wailed, swinging his head back and bashing it against the door, trying to make his brain shut up, trying to crack his skull open so he could never think those words again. 

Actually, that didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

Suddenly the storm ended, and Len shot to his feet. Of course,  _ of course  _ he wasn’t supposed to live without Mick. It was so obvious. His wedding vows had certainly included the line “follow you anywhere”, time to keep good on the promise. 

Leonard placed the heat gun on the table reverently, then placed the cold gun next to it, leaving them for Lisa. He pulled off Mick’s coat and settled it on the coat rack, then removed his boots and placed them neatly below it. 

He was a criminal, not a  _ monster. _

All that done, he paused, debating the best way to go about it. He had regular old bullet guns hidden all over the apartment, he could use one of those- but then someone would have to clean the mess, and he didn’t want Lisa to have to see him like that. Maybe poison-

Someone was knocking on his door. Pounding on his door, actually, intent on breaking it down. Len tensed- probably Sara, or Ray. He had to hurry. Screw finess, he was on the fifth story, the window would suffice- 

The door flew open, and Lisa stood there, eyes full of fury, and for a few seconds he forgot about Mick, and he realized  _ ah shit, he never actually told Lisa where he was going.  _ Well, he did, but that was after she was kidnapped by the pilgrim and before she had her memory wiped. 

“You  _ fucking jerk!”  _ Lisa snapped, and Leonard winced as she marched over and grabbed his shirt by the collar. 

“Lis-“

“You disappear for  _ six months!  _ No letter, no explanation, no  _ nothing!  _ And then I get a call from some bitch names  _ Gideon  _ who says that she’s concerned for your mental stability-“

Shit.

“And she said that Mick was  _ dead,  _ which is crazy, because Mick can’t be dead, he knows when things are getting too hot- Lenny?”

_ Right,  _ Len’s brain supplied,  _ Mick’s dead.  _ The storm roared in his chest again and his knees buckled, collapsing him against Lisa. 

“Lenny?! Len, where’s Mick? Len!”

“Mick…” Leonard croaked, “Mick’s gone, Lis. He’s fucking- I fucking killed him, I killed him,  _ I killed him I killed him I killed him-” _

“What the  _ fuck  _ are you talking about Leonard?!” Lisa asked, panicked. She shook him violently by the shoulders “tell me what’s going on!” 

His fingers flew up to scrabble against her hands, trying to make her let go. “Get  _ off!  _ I gotta go, I gotta go find Mick, I gotta-“

And then, she hit him over the head and everything went black. 

* * *

He woke up in a chair that had been pushed up against a wall, with his hand cuffed to an exposed pipe. 

“I’m getting  _ real  _ tired of getting knocked out,” He grumbled, using his free hand to rub the goose egg on the back of his head. 

“Then stop making stupid decisions.” 

Lisa was standing at the window. Her shoulders were tense and her voice was sharp. She was shaking ever so slightly. 

Len watched as she turned, and his heart clenched when he saw tears streaming down her face. Deep in his chest a spark of anger attempted ineffectually to ignite into fury, but Len was tired, and he couldn’t quite muster the energy. 

“I made a few calls,” Lisa whispered, “tracked down someone named Martin Stein? He told me what happened.” 

Leonard looked away from her, gazing listlessly at the floor. “So you know then. You know what I did.” 

“I know that you were scared,” Lisa said, coming over to him and resting a hand on the back of his neck. “I know you were manipulated. I know Mick was  _ brainwashed-“  _

Lisa’s voice broke, and Len looked up at her again as her eyes closed and she tried to compose herself.

“This isn’t your fault,” She managed in a steady voice, and Len shook his head. “I should’ve-“

_ “Stop,  _ Lenny.”

“I  _ abandoned  _ him. I could’ve brought him back here, I could’ve-“

“Could’ve would’ve should’ve,” Lisa waved her hand, then swiped furiously at her eyes. “None of it matters now.” 

“Lisa-“

“Can I trust you not to jump out the window?”

Leonard winced. “Lisa-“

“ _ Leonard.  _ If I let you out of those cuffs can I trust you not to go for the window or other lethal methods? Be honest.”

“... no.” 

“Great. What do you want for dinner?” 

Lisa didn’t let him out of the cuffs (minus accompanied bathroom visits and one rather awkward shower) until the next day, when Len finally felt like he had enough control to have her take them off.

He was swinging violently between numb, grief, and  _ anger.  _ How  _ dare  _ Mick leave him and Lisa all alone? How  _ dare  _ he do this to Lisa, to  _ him. _

And then he would remember that Mick did it so Len didn’t, and he’d start blaming himself and cry until he went numb. Then he’d stay numb until the anger spiked in a vicious cycle. 

He still stopped daydreaming about swan diving off the roof long enough to be let out of his cuffs, and Lisa patiently listened as he talked in circles, ranting about it being Mick’s fault, his fault, Rip’s fault. Part of him distantly realized that he should be comforting  _ her,  _ that he was the older one and she was his baby sister and he should be making sure she was okay. But the big brother was apparently outweighed by the grieving widower Mick had turned him into. 

At some point, he fell asleep on the couch- he had a feeling Lisa might be drugging his food, since she wouldn’t let him in the kitchen. It wouldn’t be the first time they used less than legal methods to care for one another. When he woke up again he heard shouting. Lisa and a man, one with a voice far too high for Leonard to even pretend it was Mick. 

_ Palmer.  _

Len groaned loudly, sitting up and ignoring his throbbing headache in favor of glaring at the superhero who Lisa was trying to shove out the door.

“Go back to sleep brother dear,” Lisa half snarled, “I’ve got this.”

“I just want to talk!” Ray insists, hands in the air. He didn’t have his atom suit, or any weapons. Len climbed to his feet, crossing his arms. 

“We don’t want any popcorn,  _ boy scout.” _

“I think I found a way to contact Rip!” Ray yells as Lisa finally gets him past the threshold. Before she can slam the door in his face though, Len crosses the room and rests a hand on her shoulder. 

“Why would I care about that?” Leonard asks, genuinely curious. He’d  _ thought  _ he made it pretty clear as to why he never wanted to hear about the legends again. 

“Don’t you want revenge against the man who got Mick killed?” Ray asked, and Leonard flinched.

Lisa snarled and gave Ray another shove “last I checked, that was the fault of  _ you people.  _ You stupid  _ fucking  _ hero types who took my brothers away from their home and  _ got one of them killed!”  _

“Lisa-“ Leonard started, but Lisa interrupted with a sharp  _ “no!  _ You left us without so much as a body to bury! We have  _ nothing!  _ I didn’t even get to say  _ goodbye!” _

“Lisa!” Leonard snapped, grabbing her shoulder and turning her around. Lisa blinked rapidly, tears in her eyes. Leonard felt his heart sink. “Lis-“

“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” she whispered, “he was my family too.” 

“I know he was,” Leonard said, feeling the rotting hole in his chest grow worse. He glanced over at Ray, who was watching them with a sad expression. 

“Who do  _ you  _ think is to blame?” Leonard asked. 

Ray answered without a moment’s hesitation. “We went to the vanishing point to deliver Vandal Savage. Rip brought us there, but we wouldn’t be in this mess without him.” 

And Leonard decided that he was going to bring his sister Vandal Savage’s head on a fucking  _ platter.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on tumblr! www.flamingbluepanda.tumblr.com
> 
> See ya next time


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